I have been wanting to write something that I feel people can possibly relate to a bit more than just my ‘perfect’ everyday beach & Australian travel pictures.
This may seem like a blog full of babble – and it may not make sense to everyone. Its a little out of my comfort zone, and is a very different topic to what I would usually be writing about… but here goes.
I don’t want to make this a depressing post, because believe me, I am far from depressed – but finally, I feel like some things deserve to be spoken about rather than kept behind a closed door…
At that age, public image was just becoming a big thing – on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook – we had never actually had to look at each other, or ourselves, this much before. It was everywhere.
Have you heard of Safety Behavior? Well its something that I used to perform on a daily basis – and nobody really had a clue.
How often has someone said to you ‘Would you notice that on me? People don’t notice things like that! Others are too busy worrying about their own insecurities to worry about yours…‘ Blah blah blah – we’ve all heard it before; and although it doesn’t really make us feel any better – it couldn’t be any more true… but somehow I had managed to create a compulsive obsession with looking perfect… Yet I always had this feeling as though something was a little off.
These insecurities are still there, and I would much prefer to wear makeup and look a certain way 24.7 – but it isn’t always possible and I am learning to accept that this is me and that everyone deserves to be 100% happy in their own skin.
Its mind games – and it really is all in the mind. As soon as that little negative cloud comes into my mind, now I automatically tell myself something positive like ‘Emma, why does it matter? You are absolutely fine. Is this really that important? Is it going to matter tomorrow, next week, next year? Life’s good, your good.’
Everyone thinks of me as the confident speaker – and I know that I am a brilliant speaker when I am confident about what I am going to say… but if not, the anxiety can be insane – but I can cover it damn well. My heart will race, my hands will shake and I’ll feel a real sense of sickness – whether that is just before I am about to perform on stage or if I am about to speak to a group or crowd. How about when you’re at some kind of work training exercise and you have to perform role play? OR when you have to go around to each individual in the room and tell everyone about yourself? Is it just me who doesn’t listen to a word of what anyone else says because you’re too busy preparing your speech about yourself in your head, over and over and over again until its basically a script and you sound somewhat perfect? Lets not go there, I’ve done that. Even I know its no big deal – in fact, it is just a friendly little ice breaker – but these are first impressions, and I seemed to want these impressions to be perfect – so it became a negative rather than a positive.
How about telling someone a slightly different story to what actually happened, because you don’t want them to think that you haven’t got it all under control? Guilty. A good friend of mine has an a*hole ex-boyfriend, and he cheated on her numerous times, but she would keep the full story to herself because of how it would make her look to us and to others – how upsetting is that? That we have actually got to a point where we would rather hide our truths and emotions just to try to cover up what’s really going on, in order to save what people think of ourselves.. Deep down, it doesn’t make anyone feel better.
I am a strong believer in ‘mind over matter’… and I strongly believe that you can train your mind to overcome anything, as long as you really want to. It takes time, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight, but I know that it is possible. I say that because I have been improving and training what goes on in my mind for a long time now, and don’t get me wrong, I still have a way to go. But I truly feel like I have found that balance between making others happy, whilst making myself utmost happiest.
♥ After all, you are your longest commitment – so make sure that you build a loving relationship with yourself. ♥
“I strongly believe that the way society makes us be who we aren’t, causes people (me in particular) to hide from ourselves and to stop believing in who we are. This leads to us not being able to express our feelings, our doubts or our troubles to anyone because it comes across that we are not “perfect“.”
Could that be any more true?
Just a little something to think about. Because it really made me think.
Be the truest and best version of yourself…
even if it takes some work.
Happiness is a habit